theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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