Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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