Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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