thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
