She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
