They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
