if only i could text you this smell
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
