He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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