so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
