Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?