I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!