it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...