i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready