bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
