Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...

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  (402): So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant... http://tfl.nu/xr5a
  Replies (12) Good night (1638) Bad night (830)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure

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  (915): i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure http://tfl.nu/p6xi
  Replies (22) Good night (3561) Bad night (1616)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.

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  (828): Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly. http://tfl.nu/q5lh
  Replies (14) Good night (1093) Bad night (5667)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories

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  (605): I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories http://tfl.nu/0d8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4725) Bad night (638)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  where are my pants?

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm

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  (219): where are my pants? (1-219): you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm http://tfl.nu/h936
  Replies (14) Good night (4853) Bad night (688)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth

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  (865): I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth http://tfl.nu/mdm2
  Replies (13) Good night (1481) Bad night (4285)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

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  (202): I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded. http://tfl.nu/owwz
  Replies (30) Good night (4980) Bad night (3886)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.

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  (813): Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again. http://tfl.nu/0xdw
  Replies (14) Good night (759) Bad night (4277)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

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  (416): Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender. http://tfl.nu/ts7y
  Replies (8) Good night (1181) Bad night (3970)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.

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  (630): don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class. http://tfl.nu/vso9
  Replies (8) Good night (1463) Bad night (3956)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....

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  (613): I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there.... http://tfl.nu/g27d
  Replies (4) Good night (1785) Bad night (2617)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.

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  (402): What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine. http://tfl.nu/guf4
  Replies (7) Good night (624) Bad night (1065)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.

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  (727): You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest. http://tfl.nu/2kj8
  Replies (4) Good night (1012) Bad night (239)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly

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  (314): I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly http://tfl.nu/uc15
  Replies (1) Good night (394) Bad night (270)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?

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  (201): Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school? (1-201): Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator? http://tfl.nu/6fl4
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (270)

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