Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

Fav 78 13001 1219
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.

Fav 40 4016 1074
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(410): View more from Maryland

this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.

Fav 25 4620 1072
share tweet
(831): View more from California

Don't EVER smell your tampon

Fav 89 1760 20067
share tweet
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(979): View more from Texas

You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

(713): View more from Texas

When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

Fav 28 5812 1293
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.

Fav 25 4756 1875
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

Fav 4 3432 1193
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house

Fav 5 665 1043
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(585): View more from New York

You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.

Fav 1 13 55
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT