We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
