I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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