You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
