I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
