When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
