he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
