I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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