hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
