The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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