I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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