McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
