I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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