They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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