It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think my vagina is haunted
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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