Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
