Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
