I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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