...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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