Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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