I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
