i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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