Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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