i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
