Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
