just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
