i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
