Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
