I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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