Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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