Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
