i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
