You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
