Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
