this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
