Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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