Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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