all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
