Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
