tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
