K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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