Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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