Got a toothbrush?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
