I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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