That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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