i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
