capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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