I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
