you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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