i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
