We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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