I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
