NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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