just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
