I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
