sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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