that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
