you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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