whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
