my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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