I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
