I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
